In the context of Mental Health Awareness Week, I would like to share with you what the ancient practice of Loving-Kindness, also known as Metta or Maitri meditation, can teach us about kindness:
Loving-kindness is understood as the wish that we and others may find happiness. Loving-kindness is thus not an emotion but an aspiration. We may not feel it spontaneously yet, but we can cultivate it by means of this heartfelt wish. We incline the mind through familiarisation and cultivation (which is the meaning of two ancient words for meditation). Thanks to neuroplasticity, new mental pathways are formed through the practice.
- Loving-kindness is based on the realisation that it is possible to find happiness in the sense of sustainable wellbeing (not to be confused with pleasure, which will always be fleeting). It is thus not just some fluffy mantra to induce a warm, fuzzy feeling through the repetition of set phrases* but has its basis in reality. Possibilities are just as real as actualities, otherwise the world would be frozen.
- Loving-kindness, an expression of our universal sense of caring, always starts with ourselves, with wishing ourselves well, not because we are more important but because we are equally important as everybody else.
- Loving-kindness is rooted in wisdom, the wish that we and others may discover the true sources of genuine wellbeing. Like all conditioned phenomena certain causes and conditions need to be in place to bring this about. Do we know what these are? Can we distinguish between mere pleasure and authentic wellbeing, between the root cause and mere contributing conditions?
- Loving-kindness is directed equally, indiscriminately, unconditionally to ourselves, our loved-ones and closest friends, strangers, and people we may regards as “enemies”. In modern terms, it is a practice of “diversity and inclusion” and of “transcending bias” (e.g. similarity or in-group bias), of wanting only ourselves and people like us to be happy. That may be the habitual and default mode, but a more objective mind can be cultivated through this practice.
- Loving-kindness is not hypocritical, pretending to like people we dislike. It is based on a fundamental realisation and universal truth that everybody without exception wants to be happy and find enduring wellbeing. We all have the same “right” to cultivate and experience such happiness and nobody’s wellbeing is more important than anybody else’s. In this regard, loving-kindness is a great leveller.
- Loving-kindness for those who cause harm in the world is the most challenging to practise. We may feel they don’t deserve it, especially as their idea of happiness seems to entail causing so much suffering. We can condemn their behaviour and still wish for that person to be happy; that they may not perpetuate their harmful behaviour that flows from a fundamental misunderstanding of what brings about true wellbeing and is thus ignorant and deluded. We can hold the aspiration that they may wake up and discover the real causes of flourishing, both for their own benefit and for everybody else’s. With this in mind, loving-kindness will flow more effortlessly towards them.
🙏 May we bear in mind the true spirit of kindness when we practise being kind to ourselves and to others, not just for Mental Health Awareness Week but at all times. In the words of the Dalai Lama: “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” 🙏
* There are many variations of the following phrases used in loving-kindness practice: “May I/you be safe, may I/you be happy, may I/you live with ease.”
